the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
