My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
