i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
