I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
