What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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