WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
