So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's great music for shaving your balls
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
