Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
