he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
