I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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