I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
