where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
