I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
