Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
