doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
