After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
two words: eviction party
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
