you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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