Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
