I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
