I am spending my child support on dildos
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize