My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize