Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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