it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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