I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
