I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
