So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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