I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize