I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize