Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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