Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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