i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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