He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
