I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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