Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
