Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
