wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
