my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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