what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
