And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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