His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
