We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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