I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
