Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
