My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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