my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
