A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
