i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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