In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm at about main and main street
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize