I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
