the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
