i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
