i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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