dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
