Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
