happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
