these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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