high people should be assigned attendants
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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