Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
NoShamevember. You game?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
