Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
