hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
