Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
foreskin is a definite game changer
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
