i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
