Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
