At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
