I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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