So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
