a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The Olympian is in my bed
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