I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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