When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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