So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
