i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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