I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
