i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
