Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
