And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
