..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
