My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
