If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
