i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
