What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
