ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
