If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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