so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
