My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
