i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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