Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize