I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
