she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
