I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
