ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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