I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
